Home » Does Marvel Pay You To Breathe Bruh? (Why I Hate Fandoms, All Of ‘Em)

Does Marvel Pay You To Breathe Bruh? (Why I Hate Fandoms, All Of ‘Em)

by Shaye Wyllie
Published: Last Updated on 6 minutes read
why i hate fandoms

Listen, Linda … I hate fandoms. I hate stans. I hate hard core fans of anything who think they stand on some invisible pedestal that makes them better than others just because they know a few more fun facts than you do.

Sh*t that ain’t getting them through life, or earning them a check, but may help them win the next round of shots on Trivia night.

But most of all … I hate Marvel fans! I don’t think any fandom is as bad as the MEN who are Marvel fans! I swear! Like … does Marvel pay you to breathe or something?

Does your brain not compute regular English because it’s completely full of unnecessary facts about the Marvel Cinematic Universe (yeah see I know cool terms too bruh) so there’s no space left for regular world shit? Or common decency? Help me understand!

And look … I don’t hate ALL of you.

I just hate most of you!

The ones that give y’all a bad name.

The ones that shush me in the theaters while I’m on a date trying to whisper snarky comments in his ear to get him to laugh and like me and hopefully F me later on, because apparently Spider-Man is your entire life and you have to hear every single word he says or you’ll shrivel up and die!

The ones that like to ignore nice, simple ass requests (that shouldn’t be too hard to understand because I can only speak one language) like … “please keep all of your advanced Marvel knowledge to yourself” so we can just discuss the show as is!

The ones who assume that because you’re watching a certain Marvel show or movie that you MUST have seen all the others before ‘cause you clearly couldn’t be watching something in this fandom without prior knowledge of the others or consent from the Marvel police!

Look … some of us didn’t go to Marvel Academy okay! Some of us don’t have all the lines from every movie and tv show memorized and downloaded to our brains waiting for the right moment to whip out our big Marvel dicks of knowledge to those with teeny tiny Marvel dicks so we can have a pissing contest to see who knows more!

Not all of us think Marvel is the holy grail! (Or any fandom for that matter!) And I’m not sure why folks can’t comprehend this! (Aside from the fact that their brains are so full of useless facts that they clearly have no space left for human decency and respect.)

It’s bad enough that as a kid I wasn’t allowed to watch certain movies or shows because my folks swore magic was the devil! (Hell I wasn’t even allowed to read certain books. I didn’t make it all the way through the Harry Potter series because at some point I just didn’t think it was worth the verbal abuse anymore.) I knew kids in elementary school who were reading books about sex and my ass couldn’t even read a book about fake ass magic!

So it’s bad enough I had to deal with the bullsit as a kid, but then you grow up and realize that adult humans still suck ass!

Apparently that’s not something we made up as ignorant kids who didn’t understand how the real world works?

Adults are really just assholes!

For the first time in what feels like forever (no I’m not just tryna sing a Frozen song to flex my Disney knowledge) I was actually excited about something! Like really SUPER excited.

I just finished watching WandaVision episode 3 and I was excited to talk to others about it. People who get excited the way I get excited!

And of course I knew it was risky posting in a group that multiple people have already had issues in but I figured if I asked people would respect that. But I guess Marvel male fans are exempt from respect?

Because everyone BUT this one douchebag left comments without spoiling the show!

Then here comes Mr. Big Marvel Dick who has to literally do what I asked him not to do.

In what world do you assume that someone who literally just asked folks not to spoil anything already knows EVERYTHING?

Why would I say don’t spoil it if I had already seen all the other movies?

So now you’re an asshole and dumb?

Help me understand!!!

Who are y’all showing off for? Cause ain’t no Marvel executive lurking around looking for men who spoil shows for others to hire!

I just hate folks who can’t comply to simple ass requests! Why can’t y’all contain y’all selves?

And I think it bothers me so much because I actually like Marvel movies. But then I try to discuss them with others and I gotta deal with insufferable assholes who just wanna hear themselves talk instead of actually have a conversation! And it’s ALWAYS a man!

Never have I had this issue with a woman!

Women may accidentally tell you! But if you tell them don’t spoil it they try not too. Not men though. They gotta be your knight in scrappy armor and come save the day! Look it’s a damsel in distress! She doesn’t know anything about Marvel! I must tell her everything I know right now or she’ll be eaten alive by the big mean giant! I must save her! Ugh!

If I ask you not to spoil something don’t spoil it! It’s that simple! And don’t assume we know everything! ASK! It’s really not that hard! I started the same convo elsewhere and instead of telling people or assuming I asked questions before speaking! But clearly men just like to run they mouths and piss everywhere.

I guess I’ll just go back to being ignorant and ignoring fandoms!

I hate getting excited about movies and tv shows and not being able to talk to others about it. But if this how y’all gon’ act every time I wanna talk about something I’ll pass!

Cause I just can’t!

So thanks for ruining this for me big guy! I hope you got what you wanted. One less Black woman in your world! Cause I’m out!

I’m done. I give up.

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