The Cliff Notes: The Craziest Things That Happened On “Love Is Blind: After The Altar”

First of all … let me start this Love Is Blind: After The Altar recap (cliff notes edition) thang off by saying, if yo ass hasn’t watched Love is Blind yet, I’m gon’ need you to do that. Tuh day!

But maybe after you read this post? ‘Cause I mean, you already here, you might as well find out what happened.

But you DO need to see all the things that led up to this engagement party. (Like *ahem* Carlton’s blow up, or why Mark is now all of a sudden the bag guy, and not Jessica’s “I let my dog drink from my wine glass and then drink after him” crazy ass?)

So yeah … here’s a recap of the craziest things that happened!

27 Of The Craziest Things That Happened On Netflix’s “Love Is Blind: After The Altar”

Note: I omitted some of the names just in case you’re still interested in watching Love Is Blind: After The Altar so I don’t spoil everything. You can thank me now.

1. GiGi and Damion are still together. Yeah that shit is crazy!
2. One of these men still don’t wash their chicken. I won’t say any names. *stares in white confusion*
3. Someone is having a baby, allegedly after two weeks of meeting their “new” partner. Again, I won’t say no names.
4. Lauren and Cameron are having a dual anniversary party with *cough* the only other couple that actually got married and stayed together, The Barnetts! This probably the least crazy thang on this list.
5. Lauren’s daddy said Cameron “is still a little nerdy, but he’s getting hipper by the day.” If that doesn’t make you chuckle. Whew lawd, I died.
6. One of these women put on heels to go to an Atlanta “hot spot” at a Car Wash? To meet a man! So yeah, not crazy at all.
7. Someone, a man who shall not be named, sold his entire house to pay off his wife’s college loan debt? But I’m not sure if that’s crazy or just a cute, sweet gesture? You tell me!
8. One of the characters new nick name is “Voldermort”. And I can not stop laughing.
9. Carlton … had yet another Carlton moment, while talking to Lauren, who was literally just tryna be a good friend. *sigh* I just can’t with him when he’s in defense mode man.
10. One of the married couples is currently living with a roommate? Jeesus take the wheel.
11. Voldermort has a new boyfriend. That’s not crazy though, I just thought y’all should know.
12. Some of the girls hanged out and trash talked Mark. Not that they shouldn’t have. He’s trash!
13. Damion had lunch with a girl (who’s name doesn’t matter) who doesn’t know what a “flight” at a restaurant is, who he got caught in a whole scandal with, and had the most Caucasian-ist audacity to invite her to the party.
14. One of the men admitted to getting botox. But I bet you won’t guess who or where!
15. Amber got some crazy ass advice from her mama-in-law that basically said “don’t anger your husband, just do whatever he wants, ’cause he pays the bills”. Y’all know how these mamas always pick up for their son’s f*ckery.
16. Voldermort complained about how a certain couple blocked her ass on IG. Like a whole 5 year old! Sis you’re hella old. Why do you CARE?
17. Jessica bought, like with her hard earned money, The Barnett’s a whole ass anniversary gift. Sis thought a funny gift would mend her wrongs! Wypipo stay wypipo’ing.
18. Matt isn’t allowed to talk about, or to, Jessica! Like … at all. To the point where he won’t even answer questions about her. Even when Amber ain’t around. And as crazy as that is, I love that he respects his wife and her wishes!
19. Lauren named her dress train. Just being the extra Black girl that she is. And I love it!
20. This bish (who’s name we don’t care about) actually came to the party, and then stood right next to GiGi with Damion, back to back, and didn’t say a word to her. Unbelivable!?
21. Amber and Diamond got into an itty bitty argument (that may have put me on edge) about Mark’s hoeness, ’cause D thinks LC deserves an apology. I’m not gonna lie though, Amber wasn’t wrong.
22. Damion introduced his side piece to his main piece, and GiGi calmly threw shade at her every chance she got. Gigi is clearly a better person than I am and I commend her that, but whew!
23. Diamond’s date mentioned he didn’t “give a f*ck” about anyone there, so he spent the entire time on his phone and talked to his boy, instead of trying to mingle. It’s okay dude, I get it, social anxiety recognizes social anxiety.
24. Jessica handed her gift to Matt, instead of his wife, (like she would have if she really wanted to put things behind them) which he refused to take, and walked away. Respectfully. Again, I love him. You can’t force someone to forgive you, and his wife said don’t talk to her so.
25. Sis who crashed the party, apparently didn’t know the man she was holding hands and going on cute dates with, was still in a relationship. I cackle! Like sis! Wow. Just wow.
26. Diamond’s date went home early. Which isn’t crazy, because he really ain’t talk to A N Y O N E. But, hearing her say that she texted him, and that’s the only reason they talked, even though he claimed he was interesting is wild! And sounds so f*cking familiar. Ugh.
27. The men gave speeches. Cameron cried. Real tears. Then Matt showed us the cutest video he made of him kissing Amber everyday before leaving for work and the tears really came pouring in. They ain’t get me tho! Whew they tried, but they ain’t get me.

So yeah!

The anniversary party was a little wild. But I mean, I’m sure that was expected.

If you haven’t seen Love Is Blind: After The Altar yet I totally recommend watching it.

Like ASAP.

It was a great way to see what the original cast is currently up to, and it’s only 3 episodes long! Yup, not even a full season. So it’s shorter than you think. And if you HAVE seen it, drop something you thought was crazy in the comments below!