I Am Guinevere Beck
Hours shortly after finishing Season one of everyone’s new Netflix obsession “You”, I realized that … I Am Guinevere Beck. I am that young, naive girl waiting to be saved.
I am that girl who grew up wanting everyone to love her, and now she’s still struggling to get that same attention in adulthood.
I am that girl who is dying for love, who loves all the wrong people, and then wonders where she went wrong, as if she hadn’t seen the signs months ago.
After watching the Bluebeard’s Castle episode, and listening to Beck tell “her story”, I realized that I Am Guinevere Beck! Yesterday, I had, what I would consider a “horrible day”. I was supposed to cover my first show for my music blog, Vicious Quipster, which you can check out here by the way. But I never got to go!
Partially because my anxiety kicked in and I was too scared to do it. Partially because I still wasn’t feeling good from being sick for an entire day, the day before. Partially because I had left my kid at home with “no food” in the house, so I had no choice but to go home after work so she could eat. And then this morning I woke up and realized that I Am Guinevere Beck.
I am a complete mess! Maybe I realized that before, and I was just okay with it. But now I realize that I just can’t. I don’t want to wake up in the morning frustrated because I’m tired, I don’t want to be angry all day long, I don’t want to have another “horrible day” where I just FEEL ….
And now I’m at a lost for words, because I don’t even know how to describe how I felt yesterday. I just know I don’t want to feel like that again! So here’s to starting a “new life”, you know like how Candace “did”. Lol (Okay, wait, let me take that back, considering what actually might have happened to Candace.) How about I just say this …
This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed, still a bit tired, but happy in a sense. I woke up feeling okay. I was no longer doubting myself, and maybe that’s just the weight lifted off of my shoulders because the anxiety has died down now. But even so, I woke up feeling the way I want to feel every day, and now that I know what that feels like, that’s what I’m going to strive for. (Much like Beck, when she finally realized what she wanted.)
Look … I’m not even here to talk about this damn show, but can I side bar here for a second, since I’m done ranting, and say W D F? Lol If you haven’t watched You yet, you probably should. I’m still trying to figure out how Joe still hasn’t gotten caught. Lol
P.s – Did you watch Gossip Girl? How did this guy end up in the same role twice? LOL Whatever, carry on, let me go get ready for work. I just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading!