The Cliff Notes: The Craziest Things That Happened On Dear White People Season 4 Episode 1

by Shaye Wyllie
dear white people season 4 episode 1 recap

We’ve been waiting for Dear White People Season 4, for what … years now? And now that it’s finally here … I’m not even as excited as I SHOULD be. Issa damn musical! I don’t want a musical!

And don’t get me wrong, I love me a musical! Jingle Jangle was off the chain! Vivo was AMAZING! Hamilton was magnificent! But … I don’t want THIS as a musical! But alas, I watched episode one of Dear White People Season 4, since I know some of y’all are dreading this.

You’re welcome!

So here’s a recap of the craziest things that happened!

20 Of The Craziest Things That Happened On Dear White People Season 4 Episode 1

  1. Lionel is an author now, and um … his book signing event was wack AF! Shit was online! He legit signed them damn books on his tablet. Like I just can’t with them. And he went into the store for THAT? TF!
  2. Then the store doors automatically lock! They call it a “bio lock”? Basically when something bad happens outside, you’re automatically locked in where ever you are. And I don’t like it!
  3. Apparently there are also orgasms in PILL form now? Yeah… no. For all that, I might as well just do it myself!
  4. They called iPhones … wait for it … vintage! Pray for us!
  5. Sam asked Lionel if he had ever had a blue chetto … and um. Is that a real thing? I may want some blue chettos y’all!
  6. Sir said he was gon’ combust into glitter and then popped a glitter bomb so it looked like he did. I can’t make this ish up.
  7. They put Dear White People on the school website homepage! Imagine that!  
  8. Someone said nobody their age listens to 90 music? And now I wanna fight! Which millennial wrote this line? I hate chu! 
  9. This boy dead waited for everyone to stop speaking, to start playing piano and everyone bust out in song. I just … I can’t!
  10. Sam was supposed to be at a job fair, for career day, and the white dude that was interviewing her was on his phone the whole damn time while talking to her! Like this black girl ain’t important! Disrespectful ass! I still don’t know why she kept talking to him.
  11. Oh, and the nontraditional students “career fair” looked like a whole ass horror movie waiting to happen! Poor white bae! I know he was stressed.
  12. This man deadass asked sis if her “doc on Moses was a religious thing”. Boy what?! The DOCUMENTARY on the professor Moses Brown?! He wasn’t f*cking paying attention at all and that shit made me SO mad!
  13. Then another man asked sis if she wanted to “get a drink” to talk about her documentary! SIR.. this an interview for a job, not a speed dating event! Come TF on now! AND he’s black! Why y’all doing this to me?!
  14. Of course, the next interview, was with a white woman, and she mixed up her black people! Sis dead said she ASSUMED! Assumed the black girl in front of her made a documentary about krumping? Because she’s Black huh?!
  15. Turns out CNN bought Sam’s documentary though! Which was dope!
  16. And my man Reggie got himself a 6 figure deal from a tech company!!! Yessss!
  17. Coco also got a job! Sis said she signed a nondisclosure agreement? Poor Sam!
  18. But not Sam, who sold her first doc by 21 feeling like a whole failure just because she ain’t get a job at career day! Which by the way are almost alwaysssssss a failure! Most of those events suck.
  19. Everyone kept asking if The Order was involved with the Varsity Show. And Troy hasn’t officially confirmed it, but we all know they are!
  20. Last but not least, them doors finally unlocked. And then they locked again right before Lionel could leave and take his ass home. I swear I actually felt bad for him.

But yeah, that’s that. There’s more crazy shit in my quotes post, and initial thoughts post, so when those go up later tonight, make sure you check them out too!

If you haven’t seen Dear White People Season 4 Episode 1 yet I totally recommend watching it yourself. You know … so you can see the craziness yourself.

If you HAVE seen it, drop something you thought was crazy in the comments below!

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