Crossing Swords Episode 1 Is Funny, But Offensive, So Beware

Now that episode 1 of Crossing Swords is finally up on Hulu, I can finally share this post! Whew, this show is a mess! Lol

As mentioned in my review of episode 1, I was able to watch Crossing Swords thanks to Hulu, who sent me the screeners in advance of its release and so I’m a little ahead at the moment.

But if you’re still wondering if you should watch Crossing Swords on Hulu, here’s my recap of Crossing Swords episode 1.

Crossing Swords Episode 1 Recap

Episode 1 of Crossing Swords starts off with these crazy kids at some dragons nest!

Are they even kids?  I’m going with kids! They have to be kids. Lol

And apparently they say the dragon eggs have gold in them or it’s made of gold or it’s made of chocolate or there’s chocolate outside with gold coins inside? Huh?

Listen don’t look at me like I’m bloody confused! It’s them! This is all them!

That’s what they said not me. Lol

So they start breaking the eggs, in an attempt to look for the gold (or chocolate lol) and of course, it’s just “egg” inside. Like it literally looks like a chicken egg, fried on the pavement!!! Talk about super disappointing! Lol

And who knew dragon eggs looked like the eggs we eat? I sure didn’t! 

Omg and then they peer pressure poor little Patrick into breaking the last egg! Meanwhile, Patrick feels horrible and hates what they’re doing!

He was like “I don’t want the gold if it means hurting the babies”. (Imagine a kid saying that in a babyish, girlish, way. Lmao)

No wonder they called him a pu**y. Poor Patrick! 

But of course, peer pressure is a b*xch, so he does it anyway …

… AND THERE’S A F*CKING BABY DRAGON inside! OMG SON! The baby dragon latches itself onto the “clown” (who we realize later is Patrick’s stupid brother) and he rolls down the damn hill with this shit on his face. Lmaoooo 

Then boom … guess who shows up?

Yup! That’s right! The damn mommy dragon! Lmaoooo 

And now the entire town is running crazy, tryna escape a fire breathing dragon, and his siblings run away leaving Patrick by his poor little self.

But you know what’s even crazier than his siblings leaving him to fend for himself? How Patrick gets the mommy dragon to LEAVE! Lol All this mofo did was LITERALLY hand the baby over! Dassit! Shawdy just dipped like, aight cool, thanks! WTF?! Lol

(Photo courtesy of Sony)

So after that the Dragon scare, Patrick goes home, and he’s hit with another low blow.

His parents tell him he has to get a job! Apparently being a knight is like “going pro” as if it’s a f*cking sport and shit, and EVERY kid wants to DO IT but not everyone can! (Aka you need a backup plan! Lol) So yeah, his parents tell him he has to get a job, like his siblings – who by the way are f*cking CRIMINALS! Lol

To add on to his already shitty day, Patrick finds out the squire tournament is tomorrow, not a few months away, like he originally thought. So he sets out to the King’s castle and then freaks out when he gets there! Lol F*cking lame ass.

“I’m breathing. The same. Air. As the king and queen.”

My guy, RELAX! Chill TF out, sounding like a whole groupie and shit, instead of a man worthy of being a knight. Lol

Patrick finally enters the tournament and …

… let’s just say, it’s about to go down! Lol Like a LOT of shit happens at this damn tournament, including the offensive and definitely not funny underage rape joke.

Y’all need to just watch cause W T F! Dudes are hitting each other in the dick, the Queen is off f*cking ALL the squires and pretending it’s a part of the tournament. (Which, spoiler alert – it’s f*cking NOT! Lol)

Even the king doesn’t know about it. Bless his poor soul! Lol

(Photo courtesy of Sony)

Anywho, the episode ends with …

Patrick FINALLY becoming a knight, despite no longer wanting the job, Pat seeing his parents have sex, and his criminal siblings coming back from where ever TF they were because they somehow heard he now works for the king. Lol

It’s a whole big mess, but it’s funny as hell and I can’t wait to watch episode 2!

Click here to episode 1 of Crossing Swords.

P.s – Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to hit the share button below so your friends can read this awesome post as well. Comments are always appreciated and responded to. So gon’ and tell me how you REALLY feel! Thanks in advance! Now click around and read something else. Lol There are lots of suggestions below!