“Cheaper By The Dozen” Movie Review: This Reboot Is Cringy But There Is 1 Thing That I Love

by Shaye Wyllie
cheaper by the dozen 2022 review

Okay, so when Disney Plus announced they were remaking our beloved “Cheaper By The Dozen” movie, I was super excited for it!

I absolutely loved watching this as a kid, and with the remake now getting an updated cast that includes Gabrielle Union, Zach Braff, and Mykal-Michelle Harris (yup, the little spunky girl from Mixed-ish) I was ecstatic. Not only do I love Gabrielle and Zach, but the family was now mixed, instead of just plain vanilla.

But after watching the new “Cheaper By The Dozen” 2022 remake last night, I’m not so excited anymore. Why? I’ll discuss it all below.

Here’s my “Cheaper By The Dozen” 2022 movie review

Spoiler Alert – If you haven’t seen Cheaper By The Dozen (2022), this review will spoil things a bit. But it’s needed! So you can totally read this. Unless you loathe all kinds of spoilers. In that case, bookmark this joint and wait until you’ve seen the movie.

cheaper by the dozen 2022 review

The “Cheaper By The Dozen” (2022) remake is hella cringy!

Like, I expected it to be cheesy, since it’s a Disney Plus film, but O M G is it cringy!

It’s like someone tried way too hard to make this film as BLACK as possible.

And not in a good way.

More like in a cringy, hella stereotypical, offensive, way. You know how you get in an Uber and they switch the radio channel to something “Blacker” and you’re like … wait a second, why did you assume I needed you to change the channel? Well yeah, that’s how this new remake feels.

It’s almost as if someone thought making a family more “inclusive” meant, making them more “hood”.

Clearly someone needs a training on writing stories for people of color. Just because you include more Black characters, doesn’t mean you need to try to make the story more hood. For goodness sake, she’s married to a WHITE MAN! Just give us the f*cking suburb story!

Every damn song was stollen from a Black playlist.

And I mean, I thought we were doing pretty good when the film started off with a Beyonce song. I was hype! And then every song after that was this over the top Black song that didn’t fit the story and made me feel like they wanted us to congratulate them for “adding our songs”. But all the songs were way too Black for this damn movie! None of them fit, aside from the end credits song!

Which made me so freaking mad because the whole movie would have been better with pop, mellow music, instead of hood, blasting bass, wanna be Black so damn hard, music.

But it wasn’t JUST the music!

The dialogue and story itself is just stereotypical trash.

Zoe was a cheerleader who dated a Black football player? Stereotype!

White ex wife thought the kids “drag race” was Ru Paul? LGBT+ inclusive or offensive?

The two dads (one white, one Black) have a dance battle, where the Black dad is a great dancer, and the white dad sucks? Stereotype!

She loves flaming cheetos and ciroc?

STEREOTYPE!!!!!

And on top of all the stereotypes pushed on to us, like it’s 1999, the dialogue itself is problematic.

Why is there a little boy asking for the wifi to “not look at college girl bodies online”? Yeah, we know boys do that, but was that supposed to be funny?

Of course it gets worse! The one Indian character starts talking to their white cousin like he’s a f*cking inmate! Why are we using inmate / jail terms, for a Disney film? Is it because there are more characters of color now? Magically inmate talk makes sense here?

Oh, and the other Black boy character at one point says “who was the baddie with the big Kardashian butt?” WHY!? And spoiler alert — he was talking about his f*cking sister who was wearing the shortest of short skirts now that she’s going to private school, to go meet a boy she liked. Whole damn show she wasn’t in “sexy” attire, but now that there’s a boy involved her wardrobe magically changes?

Shit is trash!

I watched it with my 10 year old daughter, and she barely even laughed throughout the entire film. Which I don’t blame her, because Turning Red was funnier than this!

Then came the pool scene where the Black kids were told to leave their toy guns home, only for them to get to the pool and see white kids playing with the exact same water guns!

Yes we know Black kids can’t walk around with guns in public, because cops are racist AF, but they never touch on this. It’s not explained. It’s just thrown in. What are our kids supposed to take from that? Why wasn’t it explained? Oh right, because you don’t know how — you just know how to throw Black issues in to make us feel like it’s “for” us, when it’s not.

Oh and why did the Black dad have a fit at the end? It was so weird because the whole time the movie was dancing around race issues, instead of actually discussing them, and then this man just basically says you’re too white to raise my Black kids! But honestly it just felt like they were using the “white people can’t raise Black kids” issue to justify them showing an outraged Black father screaming at everyone.

But the one thing they got right, was how the family treated the “delinquent” cousin.

They took in one of the kid’s cousins for a bit, who was famous for stealing, but never gave him a hard time. When he got to their house, he was immediately integrated into the family. I have a big soft spot for “at risk” youth, and I think that all kids deserve second chances.

So it warmed my heart to see them giving him grace. Watching them trust him enough to help with the business, and tell him they were proud of him was amazing! He needed that.

So I’m grateful for that.

But now that I write that out, I realize that, maybe this part of the story was so well written because that character was white?

So there goes that one good thing!

So should you watch the Cheaper By The Dozen (2022) remake?

I mean … I guess you can.

Do I recommend it? Nope. You’re better off watching Turning Red! Trust me.

We didn’t really enjoy watching CBTD the way we enjoyed Turning Red.

This remake felt more like the new Coming 2 America movie. Offensive, instead of funny. So even though I was excited for this remake, now that I’ve seen it, I’m over it!

If your family is bored and runs out of things to watch on Disney Plus, I guess you guys can watch this. But it’s not highly entertaining, and you’re not missing anything if you skip it.

I’m just saying.

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